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May 25, 2012, 01:28:24 AM

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CARfaq.org > Forum > Campus > General News & Information > Musings from Ohmster and Oztiks > Taking A Break
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Ohmster
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Taking A Break
« on: September 18, 2009, 01:03:39 AM »

Dear members,

It's been a rough year for many, including my household. But little compares to the news I received on my way home back from a business trip this evening. Two poor children were brutally murdered by their own father. The boy was a dear friend of my middle son and my wife had just invited the daughter to our youngest one's birthday party. The kids as well as the parents had been to our house on many occasions. My wife was close to their mother.

Can you imagine the terror in their little hearts during their last moments in this life? Can you imagine the mother's devastation upon walking through those bedroom doors?

These were truly two sweet kids. They certainly did not deserve this. May they rest in peace.

Needless to say, this has impacted my family on many levels. So, I'll be taking a break from many things including carfaq while we cope with the loss, assist the mother in any way possible, and help our own children and their peers recover from this needless tragedy.

I leave you in good hands. See you shortly....and take the time to put a smile on someone's face just because you can.


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Capt.: Dad kills 2 kids, kills himself with drugs

The Associated Press
Posted: 09/17/2009 07:02:51 AM PDT
Updated: 09/17/2009 06:23:46 PM PDT

THOUSAND OAKS, Calif.—A man described by neighbors as a devoted father stabbed to death his two children and then killed himself with a drug overdose in the midst of a custody battle, Ventura County authorities said Thursday.

Their mother found Jennifer Mulvaney, 7, and Jason Mulvaney, 12, stabbed to death at her ex-husband's apartment Wednesday evening, Ventura County sheriff's Capt. Ross Bonfiglio said.

She also found the body of James Mulvaney, 52. "We believe it is a murder-suicide," Bonfiglio said. "We believe that he killed his children late night Tuesday, early Wednesday morning and then didn't commit the suicide until several hours later, until the afternoon on Wednesday." The county medical examiner's office issued a preliminary conclusion that Mulvaney died from an overdose of a prescription drug but it was unclear whether he had taken any drugs before killing the children, Bonfiglio said.
He did not know the type of drug involved.

The bodies were found by Mulvaney's ex-wife, who went to the apartment to check on the children at around 5:40 p.m. Wednesday. She had dropped off the children at his house at about 4 p.m. Tuesday but then became concerned when they failed to show up at an expected event, perhaps a sports practice, Bonfiglio said. She went to the management and then to Mulvaney's apartment. She found the door unlocked "and then walked into that horror scene," the captain said.

Neighbor Bonnie Shapiro found Mulvaney's ex-wife outside the apartment Wednesday just after she'd discovered the bodies.
"I came home to the mom...outside screaming on the phone to 911...that she'd found the kids and ex-husband dead inside," Shapiro said. "You don't ever think you're going to come home to that, or be a part of someone's nightmare like that," she added. The children had been stabbed several times and were in their bedrooms, while Mulvaney's body was in the living room,

Bonfiglio said. A large knife was recovered by authorities along with bottles of medication, Bonfiglio said. Bonfiglio said no suicide note was found and no correspondence was found on Mulvaney's computer that indicated he was planning violence. "There was some sort of bitter custody battle going on and they are recently divorced," he said. "It certainly appears that that came into play." However, the captain added, "there didn't appear to be any long history of violence between him and the ex-wife and it was an out-of-character situation."

"We may never know exactly why he snapped because we can't get inside his head and he certainly didn't leave any documentation about what he was going to do," Bonfiglio said. "It wasn't like he just got off the phone and had a heated argument with her," he added. Mulvaney's wife, Julie Mulvaney, filed for divorce in February 2008, according to court records cited by the Ventura County Star.

Records also showed that the father took a "positive parenting" class last December. Mulvaney was a bank manager but had lost his job, Bonfiglio said. He did not have details.

The Ventura County Star reported that Mulvaney had been branch manager at a Citibank in Camarillo. The newspaper said Brian Tabachnick, a senior vice president with the company, declined to say how long he was employed or under what circumstances he left.

Jason Mulvaney attended Los Cerritos Middle School in Thousand Oaks, where Principal Elly Love told students Thursday morning that the boy was killed by his father. Counselors and school psychologists were on campus through the day.
Neighbors at The Knolls apartment complex said Mulvaney had lived there for six to eight months and described Mulvaney as a devoted father who always watched his children when they played outside. "I don't really understand how would you kill your own, you know, somebody that shares your own blood. It's awful," Angelica Kope, holding her baby in her arms, told KABC-TV.
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2009, 07:49:50 AM »

I was wondering why I haven't seen you online lately...

As a mother, my heart goes out to the kids' mother. I am crying as I type... There are no words to explain.

Ohm, take care of your wife and kids...hug all of them tighter and longer. They are the only people that matter in this entire world. I'm so sorry to hear of this and I hope you and your family are able to get through it. It's never easy to lose friends to suicide or worse, murder. I can say I've lost a dear friend to suicide but can't imagine murder.

We'll miss you! Keep in mind the most important people in your life, your family. Please let us know how you all are doing. You are in my prayers.
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2009, 11:35:22 AM »

Sorry to hear this tragedy has touched your family, Ohms.

If I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd spend time trying to help the kids 'understand' why anyone would do things this terrible. After all, there's no point trying to make sense of senseless actions, nor of people who have abandoned logic and humanity, and even children can understand that.

Reassure them that evil like that doesn't exist in your family and make them feel safe and loved.

Take care -

.
.

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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2009, 11:49:17 AM »

Thats great advice from Mike and Chicklet.  Thats horrifying and my heart goes out to you, your family, and the mother of the kids. 
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2009, 02:53:27 PM »

I'm deeply sorry for you and your family.   I cannot even begin to understand such why tragedy took place, imagine the kids.

Take care.

RH
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2009, 05:56:27 PM »

It can be horrifying to read about this kind of tragedy but it is far worse when it hits so close to home.  Take heart Ohmster, you are doing the right thing.  Forums are a nice diversion from life but when life needs attention the forums can wait.  Take care.
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2009, 08:47:26 PM »

Ohmy,

Again my best-

Jim
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2009, 11:26:12 PM »

Sorry to hear about this tragic loss.  Take care of yourself and family.

-TIM
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2009, 03:57:07 PM »

sorry to hear, let us know if you need anything....


hard to understand some of these things... Sad
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2009, 03:41:28 AM »

(FYI - I just want members to know that I have not at all ignored this and have privately expressed my condolences to Ohm)
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2009, 09:14:15 PM »

Dear Ohmy:
 
Back in 1988, as a US Army psychologist, after many years of personally stressful experiences out of the norm for the common Joe on the street, I took a K-Bar fighting knife I brought back from Vietnam and began cutting myself up with it. Luckily before I was successful I cycled out of this dark mood and sought some help. I was admitted onto an army psych ward along with my own patients, there for three months; greatly augmenting my professional skills by ending up on the other side of the couch for a change.

The above is widely known (I have been on Oprah, GMA, the Today Show and all the national evening news in the early 90’s discussing the same and treatment for such), but what is not widely known, and I only share with those who have a need to know that I too, as do many of my patients, have had sincere thoughts of killing our loved ones along with ourselves in a murder-suicide episode.

The usual precipitator of such is a major depressive disorder; an actual physical change of brain chemistry that is brought about by the natural physical makeup of one’s particular brain (depression has a strong genetic trait) and/or what we call psychosocial stressors (i.e. stressful experiences in our lives with things and/or with others). The change is such that within moments one can be their normal selves and moments later they can be someone you would never imagine could surface out of this seemingly normal appearing human being you’ve known for decades. Imagine what it’s like for the sufferer when they cycle back to the norm; “What was that? OMG, I hope it doesn’t happen again. I can’t tell anyone, they’ll think I’m crazy. I’m gonna’ be OK now…”

Unfortunately bad things do happen during these dark cycles/periods. Thoughts of suicide are all too common as well as more rare, but still too common thoughts of taking the lives of their loved ones so that they too will not suffer as the depressed person falsely believes they do. To a person in a major depressive cycle the emotional pain is unimaginable to one who has not suffered such. The idea that death is preferable to such pain really does look like a very viable alternative when such monumental pain is experienced.  Read the short but excellent  Darkness Visible , 1989 by William Styron to get some better understanding.

The idea that your children and/or other loved ones also suffer such pain as well (we call this “projection,” believing others are sharing your own feelings) can lead one to the act of murdering others, not as a hateful act, but a caring and loving one to ease them of their pain and (if a believer) to send them to heaven where it is so much better for your loved ones to reside. I know to someone not in such an emotional/literally physical state of mind these ideas and sometimes subsequent actions sound bizarre, but such is the nature of literal physical illness. Just like a cancer that literally kills you bizarrely eating up your healthy cells for no damn good reason, so does a depressive illness which literally eats up your thinking about yourself and your world about you; destroying your literal will to want to live-making death a much more viable alternative for you and your loved ones.

Listen, I know this is hard to believe, because you would never do such an act. But such are the vagaries of physical illness. You take a perfectly healthy and happy person and disease will kill them, regardless of how strong/healthy one thought they were. How do I know, I see it in my office daily, and I’ve been there, done that.

What usually happens with such an event is that the survivors get stuck in the anger phase of their grief; always in touch with their rage regarding the incident; literally eating up the love they previously had for the luckless perpetrator. When in reality the victims were in truth killed by a physical illness that the perpetrator literally had no control over; much as the aforementioned uncontrolled run of an unbeknownst cancer.

Ohmy, I hope this helps you and others herein understand how such an act might happen.  Again, my best to you and your family regarding your loss.


Jim
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2009, 10:55:52 AM »

Oh man,
so sorry to be getting this late in the game. My condolences go out to the woman, family and friends such as yourself.  That is just plain horrible.  I'm lost for words...

That takes a lot of guts to put that all on the table antz, thanks for sharing.
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2009, 12:43:39 PM »

Ohm...

Sorry such a late comer, i've had some personal issues to resolve, but nothing of magnitude compared to the pain your family may be going through.

I know theres only so much someone can do for someone during this time, but I offer my condolences to the family, and my heart extends to yours. 

If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Brian
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #13 on: September 21, 2009, 01:34:46 PM »

Very sorry ohm, This is horrible.  Hope you and you're family is doing okay
and the wife of the family.  Best to you and you're family.  
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Re: Taking A Break
« Reply #14 on: September 21, 2009, 03:22:15 PM »

Antz, thanks for your insight, thoughts and story... glad to have you around. angel
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